I see him almost everyday and he looks lyk someone keeps flipping his switch; sometimes looks normal and other times so sad. Everyone is asking me, telling me… I’m the bad guy here I guess. Was reading Honeydropz’s on how she felt about her boyfriend breaking up with her after 2 years and twas as tho twas him writing it coz tis stuff he’s been telling me non-stop since it happened.
Close to 2 years and I quit (technically, he left, but I was the one who refused to come back). He won’t stop calling, won’t stop texting. He wants me back, I don’t want back!
A friend asked me how I fell out of it so suddenly, here’s what I told her, it wasn’t sudden tho it looks lyk that on the outsyd, it was that 4 a long tym, about 5 months b4 it ended things had been downhill, one issue after the other, he pulling the break-up card so often, me building a wall around myself coz the only way to stop hurting was to stop loving, to stop caring.
I did and when I did, I left for good and then I find that his pride had probably stood in the way coz now he’s saying things, showing things that I had no idea he even felt a tiny measure of but its too l8 coz it already died for me and I find that what once meant the world to me now means nothing more than maybe a headache at the thot of ever going thru that again…
Its true when they say love is a decision, its so easy to fall out of love, so so easy, u just decide to stop and after a while, u find that u have… or am I just weird?
My old roomie came by yday and we got talking and when I told her B nd I were no longer 2geda, she went ‘r u serious?, after all the stress that boy gave u last semester, Rayo u were always crying at the end of last semester’. She told me about how she and the other roomies hadn’t wanted to interfere, bless those girls, I so miss them!
She was shocked when I told her I was the one who dint want to be with him anymore. she said she never would have thought I’d have the strength to leave or stop loving him, I never thot I would either… increasingly I find that I do or say things even before I know I want them and once I do there’s no turning back 4 me…
I don’t feel guilty when I see him, I feel sorry that he’s hurting, that I’m causing him pain coz rili, he’s wonderful and what we had was good for a while and then it just wasn’t anymore, not for me at least.
Its been a while now and the knowledge that he’s still hurting kinda makes me glad that’s not me coz I doubt I’d have been able to pull thru a break up while I still loved him… I guess what made the difference was that while I was in I stopped feeling anything.
Don’t know if u still read my blog B but I’m sorry u’re hurting and I know u probably think I’m being selfish and maybe I am but it just wasn’t working for me any longer, twas causing too much pain…